How nearly dying from stress awakened my inner evolution
How nearly dying from stress awakened my inner evolution
On January 11th, 2019, I (the ultra-fit guy who NEVER got sick) found myself in the ICU fighting to save my life.
I had sepsis, my organs were shutting down, and I was struggling to breathe. I fought for my life using everything I had learned about health up to that point… eventually, I found that I had to surrender and let go…

My dad, Dr. Brown, and me (circa 1984)
Growing up, my dad was the town optometrist...
He was fit and inspired me at the early age of 6 to lift weights and go deep into personal development. We had a gym in our basement where I spent much of my youth lifting weights while listening to a unique combination of rock and Tony Robbins tapes.
As a shy, non-mainstream kid struggling to fit in, I used fitness to manage my stress, transform my body, and empower myself with the confidence to pursue my dreams. In contrast to the masculine mask I wore, deep inside there was a playful, empathetic, intuitive healer that I muted.
My family includes healers of all types...
...from a spiritual channel to a Hawaiian shaman and Jin Shin Jyutsu master—and I had a strong calling to that world.
On my 12th birthday, I went with a spiritual aunt and chose to get my first set of medicine cards and a copy of Louis Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life that I hid under my Trapper Keeper at school.


I went on to unleash my masculine power
as I played college water polo and made bodybuilding an official club sport at Indiana University.
However, there was a destructive element to how I was behaving that nearly took my life. Like many, for two decades I wore my work ethic as a badge of honor. Everything I did in life was based on willpower.
Eighty to 110 hour work weeks was my purple heart.

Hustling, struggling, grinding.
Even though I was working out religiously and eating a near-perfect Paleo-style diet, I was exhausted, my hair was greying, and I was massively stressed—even experiencing the occasional anxiety attack.
As an entrepreneur, I thought success was built with willpower and many hours of hard work. The Japanese even have a word for this toxic lifestyle of working yourself to death—“karoshi.”
So back to the ICU…
Eighty to 110 hour work weeks was my purple heart.
Hustling, struggling, grinding.
Even though I was working out religiously and eating a near-perfect Paleo-style diet, I was exhausted, my hair was greying, and I was massively stressed—even experiencing the occasional anxiety attack.
As an entrepreneur, I thought success was built with willpower and many hours of hard work. The Japanese even have a word for this toxic lifestyle of working yourself to death—“karoshi.”
So back to the ICU…

As I slowly started feeling better, I realized my recovery wasn’t going to come from medicine alone.
I began walking the hospital halls repeating a simple mantra under my breath, over and over:
I focused on my breath when fear crept in. I visualized my lungs healing. I chose presence instead of panic, trust instead of force. And through this process, my path to recovery became clear. I needed to question each of my beliefs that let me to this place. And ALL of them were going to change..






One day, sitting down watching my kiddos dancing and singing along to Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, it hit me. When the theme song came on, they got fired up with a completely different fuel source than willpower. They were fueled by enthusiasm… and it was electric. Their guru, Mickey Mouse, had them jumping off the walls like jelly beans.
The key to long-term success and outright happiness is not to be a “lion,” always focused on willpower. The key is to be more like Mickey Mouse; fueled by enthusiasm, with an occasional turbo boost of willpower.
Since then, my life has been devoted to integration. Weaving ancient wisdom, personal transformation, and real-world resilience into something that actually supports high achievers without burning them out.
That journey now includes my book Total Self-Trust and the Rapid Harmony Podcast, where we explore the frontier of human potential. From nervous system mastery to deep work with consciousness and psychedelic-assisted insight.
Because the future of growth is not just performance. It is presence.

